You’ve got a secret!
Secrets. Each of us has them. You may have a secret for a number of reasons. Sometimes secrets are fun. You may be planning a surprise for a birthday or other occasion. You might have a “secret” recipe that you share with no one. What about that “secret pal” who will not learn your identity until Christmas?
Sometimes secrets are serious. Someone may have confided in you, so you are guarding their secret. Perhaps you are ashamed or embarrassed about something in your past, such as a pregnancy before you were married or . . . an abortion.
Secrets about an abortion will keep you tied up in knots. If you have this kind of secret you know exactly what I mean.
Abortion is a terrible act, and it is usual to want to keep others from learning what you have done. At the same time, that horrible secret becomes a barrier between you and those you care about most. Revealing your secret just might be an answer to your dilemma.
Why should I reveal my secret?
There are several reasons to reveal that secret which you keep mulling over in your mind. One reason to reveal it is to help another person. The Bible tells us that God comforts us so that we can comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). Although the person with whom you speak may not have had an abortion, he or she can be encouraged by hearing how God brought you through your grief, guilt, and pain.
A secret that keeps you in bondage is one that needs to be brought out
into the open.
Another reason to tell is in courtesy and love for another person. For instance, if you are going to be speaking publicly on the topic of abortion, it is wise to tell your family rather than have them hear about your “secret” from someone else.
Finally, tell others as God prompts you. Who is that person ¾ you know the one ¾ whenever you see him or her, your mind turns to your
abortion? Are you afraid to tell? I understand your fear. Did you know the Bible encourages us when we are afraid? Read these words: “In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 56:11) and “I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears” (Psalm 34:4).
If there is someone you know you should tell about your abortion, but you continue to keep your secret from them, you will remain in bondage to your secret until you reveal it. A secret that keeps you in bondage is one that needs to be brought out into the open.
Jesus said, “For nothing is hidden except to be revealed; nor has anything been secret, but that it should come to light” (Mark 4:22).
Whom should I tell?
You should tell your spouse or, if unmarried, the person you are seriously dating. If you live at home, you should tell your parents. If there is a possibility they may find out about your abortion, tell your children as they reach an appropriate age (which varies from child to child). Tell others as God prompts you.
Please take time to pray about to whom, when, and how you should reveal your secret. As you tell, be honest, humble, and soft-spoken. Keep to the basic facts, limiting the “grisly” details. Understand that the person you tell may react differently than you expect. Remember, the person you tell is probably not expecting you to say, “I had an abortion.” Give that person time to absorb and reflect upon your words. Just as it took you time to learn to live with what you did, it may take others time also.
Also, when revealing your secret, it is important to remember that if you ask the people you tell to keep your secret, you place them in an awkward position. Keeping another’s secret can be an awesome burden.
But my secret is so awful!
When we have something to hide, it can seem to us the worst situation imaginable. But others, too, have their own secrets. Once, when I told a friend about my abortion, I learned her darkest secret was also an abortion. Another time, when I told someone about my abortion, that person confided that they had been sexually abused as a child. That was her darkest secret. A man confided that he had been deeply involved with pornography at one time. So, you see, each of us has secrets.
The questions to ask yourself are: (1) Will revealing my secret help or hinder someone else; and (2) Is God prompting me to reveal my secret?
A person who loves God can do nothing so awful (not even abortion) that God cannot use it to His glory (Romans 8:28). Go on, ask God to whom you should reveal your secret. You’ll be amazed at how God uses your secret to help someone else.
And . . . what a relief and joy it will be to look that person in the eye and know that no secret separates you!
Suggested additional reading: Does Anyone Else Feel Like I Do? full text available online at www.AfterAbortionHelp.com.
Scripture quotations are from the New American Standard Bible, copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, The Lockman Foundation, LaHabra, California. Used by permission.
Copyright 1998-2017 P J Koerbel
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